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Roland van der Leede
Manager, Netherlands
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How to Get Help from Someone Else?
Most people are a bit reluctant to ask for help, especially in the work environment. That is because we feel uncertain, are afraid to be rejected, or fear for diminished status.
Heidi Grant argues that asking for help is an important skill in modern organizations. So we should get over our reluctance to ask for assistance.
 For that the following interesting psychological approach can be helpful. It uses 4 clues to make the helper feel good about him/herself for helping you:
- Make the helper REALIZE you need help. Say: "I have a problem and need your help".
- Make the helper BELIEVE that you want help. Make the helper see you want help from her and don't want to go it alone.
- Make the helper take RESPONSIBILITY for helping. So you'd better ask her personal and in private.
- Ensure the helper is actually ABLE to provide the help you need. Be specific about what you need. She must have the skills / resources.
Source: Heidi Grant, "How to Get the help you Need: People are Surprisingly Willing to Give Support - If you Ask for It in the Right Way", HBR May-Jun 2018, pp.142-145
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Javier Elenes
Business Consultant, Mexico
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Be Humble When Asking Help In my opinion the key words when you’re asking someone to help you are: BE HUMBLE
By the way you should also be humble when you PROVIDE the help.
I learned this in a business trip when I visited a plant in Tokio which works with the same engine technology. They have a new materials technology, and we have a better manufacturing technology and we wanted to exchange these technolgies.
In a first meeting with a second level in the Japanese organization, I asked an advise about how I should talk with his President and he told me: "be humble".
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Jimmy Cheng
Management Consultant, United States
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Trust is Also at the Base when Asking for Help My experience is that people need to establish a trust relationship in their first meeting(s), and the establishment of trust is related to the environment or background when they meet. For example when there is less relevance to each other, establishing trust takes more time.
Being humble is also necessary, because an arrogant demand for help will immediately undermine the weak trust relationship that is being established.
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Mallika T R
Manager, India
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Belief in Receptiveness from the Helper is Necessary when Asking for Help Fundamentally, belief by the individuals seeking help, that they will not be rejected by the helper and she/he is receptive to the needs of the individual asking for help is what puts them at ease.
If this belief is lacking in persons asking for help, then they will be very reluctant to ask anyone for help. Wether the helper is a colleague, boss, senior or a coach is immaterial. The belief in receptiveness of the helper is necessary.
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Jaap de Jonge
Editor, Netherlands
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Conditions to Obtain Help Thanks Javier, Jimmy and Mallika for your very good remarks… I agree that
- being humble,
- establishing some level of trust, and
- receptiveness of the helper
are conditions that are needed or at least recommendable to successfully establish a helping relationship.
I think the 4 practical clues from Heidi Grant (shared by Roland) can come in handy to create these 3 conditions.
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Pierre-Boris Kalitventzeff
Coach, Belgium
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Daring to Ask for Help For me, it all starts with DARING TO ASK. You need to dare to look at anything that you would not like to look like by asking for help: weak, powerless, dependent, etc.
But actually, asking for help is an act of POWER.
Yesterday my wife said to me: "The dash bin is still outside."
I had my pajama on. She had not asked for anything before.
Usually, what I do is just to go with the flow and witness where the "asker" is. In this case, I would have said: "oh yes, you are right, the dash bin is outside."
Because there is no such a thing as a request.
Asking for help is an act of leadership.
It starts with power, with affirmation, with intention, with acceptance (anything like "I might disturb", "he might say no", "I will look like I'm..." (see above).
Then the form will follow.
Imagine you ask for help with power, each time. And that each time you get the best help you could have had. And that using this helps you to learn.
How powerful you can become!
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Paramathmuni srinivas Kumar
India
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Seeking Help in the Interest of a Cause Nice article and seeking help in the interest of cause which does good to all can be solution to a problem.If a person really cares for the cause which is of ultimate good he is bound to ask for help.
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Gregory Johnson
Coach, United States
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Please HELP!!!!! This is an interesting conversation with some good insights on being humble, trusting and believing in someone. Might I add that if the plea for help is coming from within the ranks there are a couple of additional observations:
1. Learn and value the cultural side of the environment or your plea and efforts could backfire.
2. Frame the CUP. What does that mean?
- If you are inviting someone to "help" you, you could be inviting them to drink from a CUP of new ideas or processes.
- Framing is using 10 words to state your idea or ambition at the front end of your pleas for "Help". Simply set it up as though you are about to sell an idea and would like help in bringing it to light through thought or application.
These two points are practical and seed shaping the mentioned humbleness, trust and belief.
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Chloe Xu
Director, Australia
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Tips on Getting the Help you Need Indeed many people are reluctant to ask for help in both our personal and professional life, in fear of rejection, social embarrassment, or showing our incompetence. But we can achieve very little in today's workplace without help from others. Our performance, development, and career advancement depend more than ever on our seeking for advice, referrals, and resources.
Grant (2018) actually shared more interesting tips as below that help us to get the assistance we need.
⛔ DON'Ts
- Use prefaces such as "May I ask you a favour?", as they make people you reached out to feel trapped.
- Apologise excessively such as "I am terribly sorry for asking you for this.", which makes the experience seem less positive.
- Emphasise reciprocity such as "I'll help you if you help me", as people dislike engaging in a purely transactional exchange.
- Downplay what you need such as "I don't normally ask for help" or "It's just a tiny thing" because it suggests the help is not vital or even unnecessary.
✅ DOs
- Make a potential helper feels you are on his or her team and that team is important. There are a few techniques that help you create that feeling of belonging on a helper, such as cite a common goal, enemy, or trait, highlight shared experiences, perceptions, and thoughts, or even just say the word "together".
- Create or enhance a potential helper's self-identity that he or she is uniquely placed to help you by his or her attributes or role. Indicate that he or she is not merely people who might help you but benevolent people who routinely come to other's aid. Meanwhile, tailor your message as people might see a positive identity differently. Besides, showing gratitude is a powerful tool in all situations that can boost a helper's positive identity.
- Elaborate your need and its projected impact. People are more than willing to help if they know their aid will make a difference. Follow up afterwards also make people more open to you if you will ask for their favour again. At the same time, let helpers choose the way they help and be ready to accept an alternative to your original request.
People are actually more willing to give help than we think, and we just need to use the techniques to ask for it.
Source: Grant, H., 2018. How to Get the Help You Need. HBR, 96(3), pp.142-145.
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Sreejith M
Business Consultant, Netherlands
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How do you Ask Someone for Help? Tips It's good to see a very foundational yet inviting topic being addressed here.
Further to the valuable contributions by Chloe Xu and Gregory Johnson, I would like to add that the following three eleme...
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