How to Say: No. Steps and Tips

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How to Say: No. Steps and Tips

As a professional you're actively managing your time and the tasks and goals you work on. This does mean that at some point you will have to say "No" to requests made upon you by other people. You probably already have more tasks than you can perform...

Unfortunately for many people, saying no is hard. They should learn to say goodbye to being a people pleaser and learn how to confidently say no to someone without feeling bad about it. Luckliy, saying "No" is a skill which you can learn and practice. Here are 3 straightforward steps for saying "No" in approximate order:

• STEP 1. AVOID AN IMPULSIVE REACTION. Buy some time and first do a quick Cost-Benefit Analysis (CBA) of the task you are asked to perform, considering your goals and values. That includes the opportunity cost (the cost of not doing the task). Whether you actually like the task, or the person making the request, should not dominate your choice.
• STEP 2. KEEP IT SHORT. Be firm when you express the "No", but give a short explanation and be courteous to the person making the request. Don't offer weak excuses or beat around the bush. And don't fall into the trap of wanting to be “nice” and avoid hurting other people’s feelings. Remember you are saying no to the request, not to the person. If the person who is asking you to perform the task is your manager, it makes sense to give a more comprehensive explanation, and be more open for discussion. You might share the main points of your CBA with him/her and ask for his/her opinion.
• STEP 3. OPTIONALLY you can offer some (limited) help or coaching or another alternative to the person you just said "No" to. But again: only if it is worth that effort from you. Do not fall into the trap of using many words, starting to apologize, appearing insecure, etc.!

Practice the above 3 steps a couple of times (in front of a mirror and with a friend) and pay particular attention to your body language and facial expressions during the process. You want to appear firm and kind at the same time. Have a bit of fun and remember Warren Buffett famous words:
"The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything".
Sources:
Jonathan Alpert, "7 Tips for Saying No Effectively", Inc.com
Christina Park, "Five Guilt-Free Tips For Saying 'No'", Forbes.com
Amy Gallo, "Saying No to More Work", HBR OnPoint, Winter 2018, pp. 28-29
BBC Worklife, "Why saying ‘no’ will boost your career"

		Comments by date▼ Comments by rating Rating
		3 Brian Mitchell Partner, United States
	Saying No: Not Always Easy, But Always Worth It I like this simple (but not always easy) approach and agree with being firm, short and to the point and offering some (alternative) assistance if not too imposing for you. BOUNDARIES are difficult for many of us and when we change from boundary-less to establishing boundaries it will often rock the world around us. So be prepared for that and know that in the end it will be well worth it! Over committing and under delivering is far worse than saying no and being dependable. A book that really helped me was "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

		2 Maurice Hogarth Consultant, United Kingdom
	Just Say No, if You Can Essentially agree. If your LINE-SENIOR is delegating another task my response is to remind them that "I'm doing A, B & C against a time-frame of T, which of these can we postpone or can I add this new task in when I have completed A...?" Hopefully a rational consensus will be agreed. When asked to do something 'now' there may not be time to reflect and analyse so the response could be: "Yes but that will mean delaying 'A' is that OK?" To counter Warren's words: "If you want something done ask a busy person." (they are the organised, work-in-time managers) For COLLEAGUES my response is based on their Why and tends to be on the basis of "I need to get 'A' done by T, could I talk with you then about it?" That would then potentially become a negotiating or coaching meeting to develop a consensus on a yes or no or to enable them to do it.

		2 Jolanta Sz Professor, Poland
	Assertiveness for Saying No It is said that assertiveness can be learnt. Easy to say but the realization needs a lot of efforts as it means also the change of one's character. This is definitely worth to try and, in my opinion, the first step, i.e. to keep emotions under control. Good advise is: sleep it over. The next day the situation that caused the sentence "no" (yes, it is a sentence!) often looks different.

		-1 Anonymous
	Saying 'No' to Last-minute Translations Requests for Short Jobs from Big-volume Customers @ Jolanta Sz: Many of my customers require immediate action. Sleeping over it is not an option.

		2 Jaap de Jonge Editor, Netherlands
	Saying no to a Client @Anonymous: This topic so far was not aimed at a client or prospect relation, but rather on saying “no” to your boss, colleague, peer or friend. You are right that in external requests other dynamics come into play as well. Thanks for bringing that up. However it would stil be a good idea to not grant / refuse / answer right away, but take some time - even if only short - to think over the merits of the request. See also: Is the Customer Always Right?

		0 Anonymous
	The Ability to Say 'No' to a Request To say "no" you must be morally upright and be firm to stand on your two legs to say NO and that's why saying "no" mostly its for those who can think critically.

		1 Olaf de Hemmer Business Consultant, France
	Say NO (or YES) Without Hurting The Other Saying 'NO' is not that hard. What is hard is not to hurt the person who asked... Saying 'YES' can also be hard, for the person who says it without protecting his own interest! The Interactifs Discipline© has been developed for 30 years to maintain successful relationships: help people say no without being brutal, say yes while protecting your interests, etc.

		2 Sridhar Gopal Management Consultant, India
	Saying No is a Virtue in the Right Circumstances I never had the guts to say No while I was a loyal manager to my upper management-and accepted every new recruitment decision to my enterprise solutions group. This many times costed us the rejection ...

		3 Bill Hassey Professor, United States
	Saying No... with Options There are so many times we are called on to "do" something and we are swamped by what we have committed ourselves to doing already. What I have found useful is what I thought of as "No...". Let me exp...

		1 Anonymous
	Saying NO to your 'boss' I like these steps and hope they also work for every employee who is overloaded with tasks not related to his main duties by a boss who does not understand anything of what he does....

		1 Pierre Accari Consultant, Lebanon
	Saying No and Being Assertive There is a good book about the subject. It is titled "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Manual J. Smith. It teaches people to say no and be assertive....

		2 Jaap de Jonge Editor, Netherlands
	Saying NO to your 'boss' @Anonymous: I think in your situation the steps still apply. In this situation it's important you think over what YOU can do to inform your boss better about what you are doing and what are the effect...

		1 Maurice Hogarth Consultant, United Kingdom
	Managing your Manager Assertively @Anonymous: It would seem that there is a need for you to say yes or no to your situation. Learning to manage your manager includes the points made in the messages above. You could clarify in writin...

		1 Jaap de Jonge Editor, Netherlands
	How to Say 'No' Effectively Here are 5 more tips along with explanation and reason why: Avoid an Impulsive Reaction: See above. Be Clear and Direct: Clearly state your refusal without beating around the bush. (This avoids con... 20-4-2024

		1 Maurice Hogarth Consultant, United Kingdom
	Use the Broken Record Approach if It's not your Boss Following on from all of the points ... so, when you are asked to do something to which there are no line-senior ramifications and you have the authority to say no, then just say no. There is no requi... 21-4-2024