How to Receive Personal Feedback? Tips

How to Receive Personal Feedback? Tips

Even if we know intellectually that feedback from other people has many advantages (like helping us to avoid making certain mistakes again, helping us to develop our talents and ourselves as a person, over time potentially resulting in performance improvements, a better job and bigger pay), receiving feedback or criticism properly is far from easy.

According to communication experts Heen and Stone, this is caused by 3 tendencies or triggers we have as human beings to react in an emotional way:

TRUTH TRIGGERS. When the receiver feels the content of the advice is irrelevant, wrong or not helpful.
RELATIONSHIP TRIGGERS. When the receiver doesn't like or trust the person providing the feedback.
IDENTITY TRIGGERS: When the receiver feels the feedback is hurting the core of his/her identity.

Heen and Stone give 6 interesting tips (steps) to better receive feedback:

Know your Tendencies. Do you have strong tendency to react emotionally? Do you actually DO something with feedback?
Disentangle the "What from the "Who". Provided the advice makes sense, the person who is giving it is irrelevant…
Sort Towards Coaching. Ask the feedback giver to go beyond "You achieved 3.8 on communication with customers" and ask: "How can I improve my communication with customers?"
Unpack the Feedback. Do some analysis to better understand the feedback and don't react too quickly.
Ask for Just One Thing. Don't wait for your annual performance review, but make a habit of asking people on a regular basis for one thing they think you could improve.
Engage in Small Experiments. If you doubt an advice, but the downside of it is small, and the advantages should it prove to be true anyway is big, give it a try.

⇒ Do you have an additional tip to improve one's ability to receive feedback?

Sources:
Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, "Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well", Penguin, 2015.
Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, "Find the Coaching in Criticism: The Right Ways to Receive Feedback", HBR Fall 2018, pp. 36-40.

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Aniket Deolikar
Consultant, India

How to Receive Feedback Effectively?

Let's emphasize on how important a feedback is for any process. Suppose you are a sports person you need to practice, then get feedback on that and according to that improvise in your practice and method and get feedback again so that you can improve. So, a feedback loop is something which reduces the error and improves a process. Whether it involves a business process, employee performance and even in everyday life.
One of the reasons that people don't like to ask for feedback is that when people suggest some improvements it feels very personal or somewhat like criticism. While on the other hand when you give feedback, you have to be careful that you don't want to offend the other person. The solution to this is that both sides must remember that feedback is just a tool of improvement and not a personal attack on anyone. So, focusing on what you can improve rather that what's wrong will make the feedback experience for everyone positive. Here are some additional thoughts on this subject by Roberts and Morrison:

Receiving Feedback Effectively

CREATE A GROWTH MINDSET: Consider a scenario where a person thinks that people have specific set of intelligence and skills which cannot be improved above a certain level and the job which they do should match with the level of skills and intelligence they have. This mindset is known as a fixed mindset where one believes that each individual is born with certain skillset and which cannot be improved.
If we consider a different scenario where a person believes that the abilities can be improved over time. So, with the new job and role we can learn new skills which will help us a better fit for that role. This mindset is known as the growth mindset. The potential in this mindset is unlimited as people thrive to be better and better each day. This kind of mindset is needed to receive good feedback and act on that feedback. Developing a growth mindset also puts you in charge of how to react to a feedback, putting it to the most beneficial use.
TAKE A STEP BACK: It depends on you how you react to the feedback received, don't react to a feedback in a hurry, take a step back and time to think on the feedback and process the information. Sometimes you might feel low after receiving the feedback. So, if possible, try not to think of the feedback right away. Tell the other person that you are definitely going to take the feedback on board but you will need some time to process it.
DON'T FIXATE ON NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE FEEDBACK: Sometimes an overly positive view can be harmful as it might not be realistic, it may create some blind spots. Also fixating only on the negative feedback isn't good as well. We should take a balanced view from all angles to gain a rounded perspective.
SEPARATE OPINION AND FACT: Opinions can be very useful, but always remember they are one person's opinions, and opinions can change from person to person. Another person's point of view can be totally different. Try focusing on the facts in your feedback and adapt yourself to accept various opinions.

Sources: Gemma Leigh Roberts, "Giving and receiving feedback", 2020
Tate Morrison, "The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback", February 2019